Ok, so, we all know how much I adore my Maddy. She's my angel. And I can't imagine my life without her. But for those of you who are considering having kids, let me tell you a couple ways that your life will change. I could go on and on about the crying, changing diapers, sleepless nights--but let me hit on some things you may not have thought about since the above are pretty obvious.
1. Do not expect to use the bathroom in peace until they are at least three. So, for three years of your life, doing your business is not just YOUR business, it's your kid's business, too.
2. Do not expect to eat a meal that is still hot. Maddy can chow down on our dinner faster than I can cut it up. It's only when she's finally tired of eating that she gives me a break from cutting her food. But by that point I've had two bites of my meal and she's ready to be excused from the highchair. My dinner is ready for the microwave.
3. If it hurts them, it hurts you more. They fall down and you feel their pain and also wonder why you didn't catch them fast enough.
4. Do not expect to 'read' around your child unless you are reading to them. Maddy has this uncanny knack to know exactly when I'm reading an article, book, magazine, bill, letter, email... anything and come over to interrupt it.
5. You may want to start practicing using speaker phone now. Maddy wants to hear who's on the other line. Fortunately for my partner on the phone, she is still not talking much. Just wait until she does.
6. Multiply the time it takes you to get out of the house now by 2 or three. Diaper bags, blankets, coats, hats, carseats. Enough said.
7. Erase Lazy from your vocabulary. Remember those lazy Saturday mornings? Having a cup of coffee over the paper? Making a big breakfast? Hanging around in PJs doing nothing for a while? Well, erase it from your memory. It won't be the case until the kid is at least three. You will get up when the kid gets up, get her dressed, make breakfast for her and then try to get a bit in for yourself before letting her out of the highchair to run amok throughout the house.
8. If you're a perfectionist, just stop now. I am a perfectionist. Fortunately, i think working with kids for five years before Maddy tempered me to the way life would be with a kid. But if you haven't been around a whole lot of kids and are a perfectionist, be ready and able to give up on your ways. That kind-of wiped off face? Good enough. That carpet that now has goldfish running through it? Eh, it's alright. Because, if you don't, you will drive yourself insane.
9. They don't just inherit your button nose or big brown eyes, they inherit other things as well. Take a good hard look at yourself and your partner. Remember those 'cute' quirks that drive you crazy now and again? Well, be prepared to see them in your kid--but double the strength and intensity of it. The little one can pack a big punch!
10. Last, but certainly not least, rip up your schedule. So, you normally like to have your second cup of coffee at 10, huh? Oh, you play golf every Saturday at noon? You go to bed every night at 11 and get up at 7 every morning? Welcome to parenthood--you may adjust your clock to 'baby time' and can readjust it when the child turns five.
As I said, don't get me wrong. I love Maddy to death and I knew I was in for quite a change in lifestyle. I would not change where I am right now for the world. Honestly, when people as me what I want to be in life, I say, "You're looking at it." But for those who are considering kids, just consider these finer points in life, too.
'nuff said.